One day someone asked "when does the motherhood kick in, when do I feel the joy of motherhood like I hear in books, from friends and in the movies", It was sad for this new and young mother who was working so hard to feel the amount of love that she thought she should. All I could think to do was to think back 30 years to when I was a young mom and try to remember.
I couldn't really recall any magnanimous event that was proof of my love for my kids, I couldn't even really recall any small visions of actual things that had occurred to show me. I did recall many small moments; a nuzzle in the middle of the night when one finally fell back asleep after awakening, a gurgelly laugh at something that wasn't really something, her eyes recognizing her mama when she entered the room, or her recognizing my voice and wanting my arms to hold her.
Today my grandsons and I did our annual Christmas gift shopping day. I think that's all I'll say for now. I just want to keep my feelings of love for them to myself right now. Suffice it to say, I know they love me too. There were a couple of those moments!